Muscle is a measure of your physical strength. It is used to determine your chances of scoring a hit in combat, and to determine your level if you are a Seal Clubber or a Turtle Tamer.

Mysticality reflects your attunedness with all things Magical and Mystical. It is used to calculate your maximum MP, and determines the effectiveness of certain skills. It determines level for Pastamancers and Saucerors.

Moxie is a measure of your panache, your chutzpah, your cojones. It determines your chances of dodging enemy attacks in combat, and determines your level if you are a Disco Bandit or an Accordion Thief.

As you adventure, each of your primary stats will gain the equivalent of "experience points." These sub-stat points have a variety of smart-ass names: i.e., "sarcasm" and "chutzpah" for Moxie, "wizardliness" for Mysticality. When you see, for instance, "You gain 5 Strongness," it means that your Muscle is being exercised. When you accumulate enough of these points, your primary stats will increase, and when your primary stats get high enough, your level will increase.