In slightly less horrifying news, January's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store. No, wait, that's horrifying too.

January 02
We're aware of the intermittent connection problems. There are some hardware issues at the data center, and we're working on getting a solution in place. Thank you for making like a busy hospital and having lots of patience.

January 06
Though it has not yet faded into the mists, events have drawn to a close in Crimbo Town.... Or have they?

Yes. Yes they have. If you have anything you want to say to the Penguins, now would be a good time.

January 11
The next underwater zone is now available. Check with Little Brother or Big Brother, depending on what class you are.

January 25
The next underwater zone is finally finished -- again, check with Little Brother or Big Brother, depending on your class.

January 31
We're gonna need a little bit more time to test and tweak February's Item-of-the-Month, so it won't be in Mr. Store until Sunday's rollover. Sorry 'bout that.

February 01
February's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store.

February 04
Over the last couple of days, we've added a bunch of new pickpocket-only items to monsters across the Kingdom. Yoink away!

February 06
There are a few new items (including the long-awaited KoL documentary) available in the Store of Loathing.

February 08
So... yeah. The next underwater zone rolled out this past Friday, and apparently my announcement didn't get posted properly. Sorry about that.

February 09
The radio archive now also has an RSS feed on it.

February 10
KoL accounts will no longer be deleted due to inactivity.

February 11
Some new chat commands have been added: /count, /buy, and /unequip. The /cast has also been modified such that you can use it to cast buffs on other players. See CDM's forum post for details.

February 16
The pop-up descriptions of effects now tell you the details of what the effect does.

February 16
Autoattack will no longer trigger in boss fights.

Take a look at this forum post if this announcement makes you sad about a certain Hobo overlord.

February 24
The Mall Search has been revamped.

February 25
It is now possible to make donations through Amazon again.

February 28
March's Item-of-the-Month is going to be a bit late -- we're expecting to roll it out Monday at rollover. Sorry for the delay.

March 02
'Twas brillig, and March's Item-of-the-Month was available in Mr. Store.

March 07
Since KoL's servers are in Arizona, which doesn't observe Daylight Savings Time, please be aware that rollover will happen an hour later starting tomorrow.

March 13
The next batch of underwater content has been rolled out. Grandpa Sea Monkee is now awake -- pester him for details.

March 20
Several new Pastamancer-summonable creatures have been added in various places.

March 24
The reward for the Typical Tavern quest has been reworked. Revamped. Rejiggered.

March 25
A whole buttload of new ranged weapons have been added to various monsters and zones. (A standard buttload, not a metric buttload.)

April 02
Happy Groundhog Day! Ronin now ends when you free King Ralph, and if you're in Hardcore, you can access any unavailable permanent skills you have from your account menu.

April 10
We've rolled out a new account menu feature that allows you to generate forum signature and avatar graphics that display various things about your character. Now you can tell the whole world about your awesome collection of goat cheese!

April 21
Those of you who are fans of MC Frontalot might enjoy last night's radio show, on which he was a guest.

April 27
We've added a fiendishly easy quest followed by a fiendishly difficult puzzle. You can get to it in your Guild after you've done the White Citadel quest and have a main stat of at least 100 -- talk to Paco for details. Direct any and all complaints to Riff, player #27048.

April 30
May's Wacky-Experiment-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store. Details about how the stuff works can be found in this forum thread.

May 03
Seal Clubbers finally get to club some seals -- check your guild store (and various other places around the Kingdom) for details.

May 05
Happy Cinco de Mayo, amigos. Be sure to tune in to Radio KoL tonight at 8PM Eastern, for KolMohDee's crazy tequila and tequila-related-thing giveaway extravaganza SUPERIOR!

May 13
A whole bunch of new turtles have been added for the taming pleasure of Turtle Tamers. See your guild store to get started.

May 26
A new item has been added to the Dungeons of Doom ring zap group, in honor of this run.

May 30
The second Clan Dungeon (The Slime Tube) is now available to any clan with a basement.

May 31
Due to innumerable factors beyond our control or ken, the June Item-of-the-Month is expected to be a couple of days late.

June 02
June's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store.

June 23
Happy Tuesday! Clever Pastamancers and Saucerors can now create potions that allow underwater breathing.

June 30
July's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store. Also, Happy Tuesday! White rice is now cocktailcraftable into sake.

July 10
The familiar from the Slime Tube has finally been implemented. We expect it to be met with ooze and ahhs.

July 16
A couple of the noncombats in the Haunted Bathroom have been tweaked in an attempt to make it more attractive for leveling Mysticality. Also, today is totally Tuesday.

July 23
The Scientists of Loathing wish to assure you that the current elevated level of airborne Mystical pollutants and the frequent aftershocks from the seismic events of the last few days are nothing at all to worry about.

July 27
Check out Jick's appearance on the Adam Carolla podcast here. Get it on!

Also, this year's Comic-Con Choose-Your-Own-Adventure is now available here.

To get it on, turn to section 108.

July 28
The magic in the air is getting magicer, and the aftershocks are coming less frequently but more intensely. Still nothing to worry about.

July 31
August's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store.

August 04
The magical vibrations in the air (and the regular vibrations in the ground) have reached a fever pitch.

August 11
The Adventurers of Loathing have long been critical of their spells. Tonight... the tables have turned.

August 18
We've rolled out the first .001% of the new Nemesis Quest stuff -- the revamped Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave. Your Nemesis awaits! Again.

August 25
The ground seems to have gotten particularly angry today.

August 31
We're gonna need another day or so to properly balance September's Item-of-the-Month. Stay tuned!

September 01
In celebration of the fact that it is Tuesday, Heartbreaker's Hotel has finally opened its doors to the damned public.

September 01
September's Item-of-the-Month, the Tome of Sugar Shummoning, is now available in Mr. Store.

September 04
Due to a gas leak in Seaside Town, the NPCs at your Guild might be experiencing a little bit of amnesia today.

September 10
With a thunderous whimper, the last of the aftershocks have stopped.

September 28
Happy Experimental Interface Improvement Day! A feature-rich right-click menu has been added for items. Details in CDM's forum post.

September 29
Happy Tuesday! The Rib of the Bonerdagon can now be turned into a Chefstaff by Rodoric.

September 30
October's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store. (Sorry, it's a little late. Was drunk. Still am, actually.)

October 02
The Grudge noncombats in the Haunted Bathroom have been collapsed down to a single choice adventure. Happy leveling!

October 07
The newest underwater zone has been released. See Big Brother Sea Monkee for a map.

October 10
Happy Belated Anniversary, Mr. Store! The new 2 Mr. Accessory familiars are now available.

October 22
There have always been dolphins in the Sea. And they have always been dirty thieves.

October 28
Hey, I forgot to announce the Halloween event. There's... a Halloween event. Going on now!

October 31
Jick: Happy Halloween! We're gonna be out and about tonight at rollover, so the Item-of-the-Month will be delayed by one day.

November 01
November's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store.

Also, the Underworld trunk can now be used.

November 10
Several new items are now available in the Store of Loathing -- New Crimbo cards by OhGodTheRats, a Ninja Snowman shirt, some new die-cut stickers, and the 2010 Fan Art Calendar. The colors!

November 30
Announcement: Don Crimbo has left each and every Adventurer a little present at his or her campsite. He is currently in Uncle P's antiques, if you would care to discuss the terms of your repayment for this holiday favor.

Also, December's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store.

Also also, if you want anything from the Store of Loathing to be delivered in time for Christmas, you should order it by this Wednesday.

December 08
We've rolled out some backend inventory display caching code in the hopes of making the lag a little less horrible.

December 11
The winners of Mr. Skullhead's limerick contest have had their entries placed in the Limerick Dungeon. Congratulations MoxiousGas, Baltar, and Mr. Magnifico!

December 14
Crimbo Town is now open for legitimate business in the Big Mountains.