| As the Crimbo season after Halloween began, Linnea took her revenge on the usurping Uncle Crimbo. She kidnapped him in the middle of the night, wiped his memory (most likely with an insanity-inducing Elder God glimpsed through some sort of filter), and banished him to an uncharted desert island. She then drove her monster truck into the middle of Crimbo Town, and, with the help of her minions, transformed that cheery place into a nightmarish mockery of its former self. The overall effect was -- familiar, somehow.
The banished elves were distraught. They held a full Elven council to discuss the matter, the first since the age of the legendary Pork Elves. After hours of deliberating and drinking egg nog, they decided to find a midget with big, soulful blue eyes, and compel him to throw a ring into a volcano.
The next morning, after the hangovers kicked in, the elves realized that their strategy had two major flaws: 1) there are no known volcanoes in the Kingdom, and 2) the whole thing had nothing to do with the problem at hand. After further, and slightly more sober, deliberation, they decided that Uncle Crimbo was a jerk who might as well stay on vacation, and that the elves, as a whole, were better off without all the present-making nonsense anyway. With only a few dissenting votes, the elves voted to leave Crimbo where he was, and to split up and make their fortunes elsewhere in the Kingdom.
So the elves went their separate ways, satisfied that Linnea could handle Crimbo for the rest of eternity, should she so desire. But neither the elves nor Linnea knew how powerful the Spirits of Crimbo were, and to what lengths they would go to set things right.
Part I : The Story Thus Far
Part II : The Elfretariat
Part III : The Halloween Incident
Part IV : Crimboween
Part V : Where in Time is Uncle Crimbo?
Part VI : Once You Go Blackstory, You Never Go Backstory
Part VII : A Polyhedral Harbinger
Part VIII : Rise of the Crimborg
Part VIIII : A Black and White Crimbo
Part X : One More Indecent Accident
Part XI : Of CRIMBCO and Hobos
Part XII : I Want Candy
Part XIII : Dreaming of a KAWAIIII Crimbo
Part XIV : Cyborg Bears? Sure Why Not
Part XV : Factory Complexities
Part XVI : A Tale of Two Things That Happened documentation home |